I'm Coming Out Of The Closet

It's so stressful to keep such a large part of myself a secret. I feel so guilty and torn for not telling my loved ones. I'm worried how I may have mislead them. So today I am being courageous and announcing it to the world that... (brace yourselves) I am heterosexual. Yes. I am a straight female; and what's more... a monogamous straight female.

I have at times been seen holding hands and being affectionate with a man, who is my male husband, who doesn't mind that people know he is straight and monogamous as well. I'm sure not everyone who reads this will be surprised; especially since we have had three biological children of our own (which of course that fact has been very difficult to hide).

I know it's not popular, or cool to be straight right now, and marriage obviously can be very risky, but I must come out of the closet on this issue.  I also know I'll be attacked by heterophobes who believe I am living an unnatural or unhealthy lifestyle; and I'll be accused of destroying society by bringing in children and raising them to be straight or celibate, and teaching them to get along with people of the opposite sex, to drive cars that run on fossil fuels, and to question or oppose socialist policies. However, I choose to accept the risks because I am so courageous.

Now that I've said that, and posted it on my blog, I expect to be called by talk show hosts and VIP's to congratulate me for my courage. My picture posted on the Wheaties box would be nice too, even though I am not a second rate football quasi-celebrity.