Monday, March 31, 2014

Star Wars: The Destruction of Innocence

lifted from here
I'm looking forward to evenings this week. My inner trickster has been scheming this week with pleasure for years.

We have allowed our son to watch the cartoon series of Star Wars: The Clone Wars since he was three years old and he idolizes Anakin Skywalker.

We have also allowed him to see A New Hope and he knows of Darth Vader and that he is a really bad guy.

He doesn't know of the relationship between Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader (chuckling evilly to myself).

Under supervision, we are letting Colin see Star Wars, episodes one through six this week. This is going to be fun.

Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!

Friday, March 28, 2014

Not Having Such a Great Day Today

Two sick boys, dreary weather, and a messy house.

It wouldn't be so bad if Gideon would turn down the drama machine and let me clean. He's not in pain, he just doesn't feel so great, and since Mom is the source of all goodness and comfort she must not be lost or misplaced. Gideon squawks whenever I turn my back toward him, and raises the alarm whenever I leave the room. I wish he would just take a nap and wake up two hours closer to a calm stomach.

Colin is a bit of a ray of sunshine. In fact, he's way too happy. I want him to calm down already and rest so as to ensure the bug passes. However, five year old boys do not calm down on command; and for me to try and make him calm down will only serve to make him more excited. At least he knows how to do his business in the toilet and clean up the mess when he misses. I like that. It makes my life just a little easier.

lifted from this website
The weather matches my mood quite closely today. Grey, raining, snow still clinging thickly to the ground... but it is raining and not snowing. I wish for sun because I'm tired of feeling depressed all the time. I'll just have to take what I can get. It's not like I can go out today anyway.

The house is such a mess and I'm losing sleep over it. Really, that is the dumbest most treatable reason to lose sleep that I know of. Why? Why do I not just clean? Oh yeah. Children that want to make the mess, but don't seem to know how to clean it up, and don't especially like taking orders.

Still, I am blessed. Gideon is easy to console and get to stop crying, he's even showing signs of getting ready to finally take a nap. Again, Colin is happy and also starting to calm down now that he thinks I'm ignoring him. Karyn is healthy and trying to make Gideon feel better (maybe I should get her a doll to dress), and the weather is not so cold today.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

How to Ruin Your Professional Life Before it Even Begun: A Friendly Guide

So many bad ideas, so little time...
So, you want to ruin your professional life before you've even landed you first real job. Congradulations! You are one of a growing group of enterprising young people that want to have no gainful employment! Guess what. Bringing your reputation to destruction and catastrophe is as easy as the click of a button. You to can ruin your prospects like a "pro".

Step one:
Post compromising pictures of yourself on Facebook including, but not limited to pictures of yourself naked, high, drunk, involved in illegal activities, or tormenting the weak or helpless. Yes, you will definitely make an employer think twice about hiring you if he sees pictures of you actively engaged in wrongdoing.

Step two:
Post compromising pictures of other people on your Facebook page, again including, but not limited to, pictures of other people naked, high, drunk, involved in illegal activities, or tormenting the weak or helpless. You definitely want any prospective boss to think that everyone you surround yourself with is just as reprobate as you.

Step three:
Frequently write and post updates that showcase poor grammar and spelling. Few things shut down the employment search process as quickly as a flagrant display of typographical ignorance.

Step four:
Profanity, sarcastic references to violence, sincere references to violence, and sexually explicit posts will make you stink to high heaven. By all means, generously sprinkle your public conversations on Facebook and Twitter with lewd references to your school teachers, and previous romantic partners.

Step five:
This may require some imagination. If you have nothing unkind to say about anyone... LIE! Make up stuff to embarrass everyone dumb enough to be alone in the room with you or with ten feet of your person. It will work miracles on any human resource department that you never want to deal with if you are known to commit slander.

Step six (closely related to step five):
Get your teachers fired from their jobs, especially the most innocent and high quality ones. Your infamy should strike terror into the heart of any honest business owner.

There you have it. Six easy things to do to ruin your career prospects before you've even left high school! This list is by means comprehensive. The author is sure you can come up with many original ideas for how to turn off potential employers.