Tuesday, March 25, 2014

How to Ruin Your Professional Life Before it Even Begun: A Friendly Guide

So many bad ideas, so little time...
So, you want to ruin your professional life before you've even landed you first real job. Congradulations! You are one of a growing group of enterprising young people that want to have no gainful employment! Guess what. Bringing your reputation to destruction and catastrophe is as easy as the click of a button. You to can ruin your prospects like a "pro".

Step one:
Post compromising pictures of yourself on Facebook including, but not limited to pictures of yourself naked, high, drunk, involved in illegal activities, or tormenting the weak or helpless. Yes, you will definitely make an employer think twice about hiring you if he sees pictures of you actively engaged in wrongdoing.

Step two:
Post compromising pictures of other people on your Facebook page, again including, but not limited to, pictures of other people naked, high, drunk, involved in illegal activities, or tormenting the weak or helpless. You definitely want any prospective boss to think that everyone you surround yourself with is just as reprobate as you.

Step three:
Frequently write and post updates that showcase poor grammar and spelling. Few things shut down the employment search process as quickly as a flagrant display of typographical ignorance.

Step four:
Profanity, sarcastic references to violence, sincere references to violence, and sexually explicit posts will make you stink to high heaven. By all means, generously sprinkle your public conversations on Facebook and Twitter with lewd references to your school teachers, and previous romantic partners.

Step five:
This may require some imagination. If you have nothing unkind to say about anyone... LIE! Make up stuff to embarrass everyone dumb enough to be alone in the room with you or with ten feet of your person. It will work miracles on any human resource department that you never want to deal with if you are known to commit slander.

Step six (closely related to step five):
Get your teachers fired from their jobs, especially the most innocent and high quality ones. Your infamy should strike terror into the heart of any honest business owner.

There you have it. Six easy things to do to ruin your career prospects before you've even left high school! This list is by means comprehensive. The author is sure you can come up with many original ideas for how to turn off potential employers.

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