Sunday, March 31, 2013

2007: In My Gethsemane

This is a year I hesitate to share because what marks it is painful and sacred, so I don't discuss it very often; but the feeling I have is that someone somewhere needs this story.

To our joy, early in the year we found I was pregnant. Sadly, I miscarried in March.

I was very, very upset. That night when we got home I laid down in bed, in the dark and in agony. I was hurting both physically and emotionally, and prayed to my Heavenly Father, complaining that the pain and sadness was too much, and asked him to take it away.

Jesus Praying in Gethsemane: from
It didn't happen, but I remembered another prayer the Savior had uttered in the Garden of Gethsemane when he too faced more than He felt He could bear, "Father from me, remove this cup". I remembered that He too suffered physically and emotionally, and He also knew what it was like to lose a child. Jesus truly understood what I was going through.

There was no light for me that night, and all of the pain and burden remained; but I felt the Lord's presence and my strength renewed.

In the days following I wondered if the Lord, who knew infinite sorrow and suffering, had joy and happiness equal to His pain. It seemed only fair to me, but I really didn't know and I wasn't getting a clear answer by prayer and study.

Life went on. I recovered and stayed busy with work and church callings, and in a few months we were happy to find I was pregnant again. It was not an easy pregnancy. I got morning sickness (what a misnomer) rather badly, but it passed and I was able to work through Christmas.

Sometimes that Lord does not take our troubles away. Frequently we need the strengthening exercise  but He is always with us in the journey.

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