A Morning Prayer and Priorities

lifted from this website

Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank thee for another day, and especially for my wonderful husband and my beautiful children. I'm thankful for the peace and safety we enjoy.

Please wilt thou bless me that I may be able to accomplish everything that's really important, some things that are less important, and to completely ignore everything that is not important.

In the name of Thy Son, Jesus Christ. Amen

Yes. This really was my morning prayer today.

On the days when I actually set priorities and write things down, I put things in three categories of importance:

Category 1; Very important and must be done today
This list usually has things like studying the scriptures, teaching and planning homeschool lessons, cleaning the dishes and countertops, even exercise when I think there will be time in a day.

Category 2; Kind of important, but it won't kill me if it doesn't get done
Unless it's really bad, things like sweeping and mopping the floors, cleaning the bathrooms, and making the beds tend to be on this list.

Category 3; Things I can ignore
This is a list that I keep for three reasons. To keep things in perspective, make it known to myself that my feelings and desires are, in fact, important, and to remind myself of some of the things that are on the back burner. I may even do a number of these things if I have time. The items on this list include yelling at the kids, playing video games, and cleaning the basement.

You may get the idea that I'm not a very good housekeeper and rather short of patience with the kids, and that's sort of true; but home life would very unpleasant if I didn't take the time to think about my priorities.

The "Selfie"

"If there is anything virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things..." Article of Faith 1:13

It seems to be the style for girls to post immodest "selfies" (pictures of themselves that they took themselves) online.

Lifted from this website

What I tell my children, and especially my daughter, is that the way we dress and present ourselves reflects our purpose. If we want to appear to be a over sexed, brainless, prostitute, with wares on sale, then yes, a half dressed selfie your tongue hanging out will do the trick.

However, if our purpose is to make friends that will look into our eyes, and love us for our minds and hearts and who we really are, then perhaps a different wardrobe selection should be considered... That, and if I think her "selfies" are going to attract the wrong crowd, she can say "good bye" to her bedroom door and digital camera, and "hello" to family game nights, family camp outs, mother-daughter shopping trips, and marathon sewing and home economics lessons. Hmm. Maybe that's the key to preventing nasty "selfies" being posted online in the first place.

My Mother Told Me...

"More and more good things will happen, and everyone will be happy".

I was a screaming, angry, nine year old girl; just furious with the world. Mom made me repeat it several times even though I did not believe her and just wanted to smack someone. I was exceptionally angry with her for making me say it when I felt like the world was ending (I can't remember what had set me off in that moment).

"More and more good things will happen, and everyone will be happy", I growled, thinking just the opposite.

Wouldn't you know it... she was right.

I am happy and everyone I surround myself with is happy. Sometimes I feel like crying about what I lack; and sometimes for a moment (several times a day) I get angry about people or things I can not control; but overall things work out. I have food on the table, a warm home, good friends, a close family life, and a God in Heaven watching over all. Life is good.

I'm Coming Out Of The Closet

It's so stressful to keep such a large part of myself a secret. I feel so guilty and torn for not telling my loved ones. I'm worried how I may have mislead them. So today I am being courageous and announcing it to the world that... (brace yourselves) I am heterosexual. Yes. I am a straight female; and what's more... a monogamous straight female.

I have at times been seen holding hands and being affectionate with a man, who is my male husband, who doesn't mind that people know he is straight and monogamous as well. I'm sure not everyone who reads this will be surprised; especially since we have had three biological children of our own (which of course that fact has been very difficult to hide).

I know it's not popular, or cool to be straight right now, and marriage obviously can be very risky, but I must come out of the closet on this issue.  I also know I'll be attacked by heterophobes who believe I am living an unnatural or unhealthy lifestyle; and I'll be accused of destroying society by bringing in children and raising them to be straight or celibate, and teaching them to get along with people of the opposite sex, to drive cars that run on fossil fuels, and to question or oppose socialist policies. However, I choose to accept the risks because I am so courageous.

Now that I've said that, and posted it on my blog, I expect to be called by talk show hosts and VIP's to congratulate me for my courage. My picture posted on the Wheaties box would be nice too, even though I am not a second rate football quasi-celebrity.

When I Get Upset

As a rule, I do not get that upset at what I do in a day. No. What really upsets me is what I don't do in a day.

Sins of omission:  Any sane person would think I have it backwards and that the things I don't get done shouldn't bother me. Well that sounds nice until visitors come by. For me, as a mom, the things that don't get done in a day lend themselves to unsanitary conditions, fire hazards, stupidity, chronic misbehavior, and insanity. You'll forgive me if I seem upset with myself at the end of the day when the house is still a mess, and people are hungry and freaking out because I took a day to relax; a day I will be paying for for the next week or so.

No! Not one more "emergency" until I finish this blog!

Sins of undervalue: Society expects me to define myself and my worth by  a career outside of the home, and makes no secret of its disdain for my decision to stay home with my children. That wouldn't be so bad either if the doctrine had not been drilled into my brains and emotions all my life by a liberal school environment and popular media. Thirty-odd years of consistent secular indoctrination and reinforcement can not be shrugged off at will.

According to the above theories I am expected to be a career woman at the same time as a child care expert, nurse, cook, hairdresser and fashion consultant, teacher, housekeeper, therapist, referee and coach, administrator, and lover, among every other duty motherhood and married life entails.

I just want a day or two to myself to get the house clean. Is that so much to ask?

I Don't Keep Pets

Dogs are Better Than Cats, but I'm sure that's not the source.

I love animals, I really, really do. Some day soon I hope to get myself a big black mutt and name him Baskerville; but right now, the answer is no, I'm not keeping animals. I don't have the time, means, or space for them.

Perhaps my saying so will rub people the wrong way, but I have trouble understanding people's compulsion for the company of pets that overrides common sense and compassion. If you don't have the income that supports pet
food and veterinary care, and the time or space to take the dog out walking, or clean the cat's litter-box every day, then why have one?

Also there are people out there that put animals on the same worth level as humans. I can't understand that either. If Spot can not be cured (within reason) and is suffering and dying... or a danger to human life and property, let him go already and get another dog. It's true it won't be the same, but life goes on, so should you.

I suppose part of my coldness toward pet-kind stems from the fact that I've never had a dog or a cat for more than a year or so at a time. Call it bad luck. My first dog was dangerous to little children, my second dog was sickly as was my third, and numbers two and four were donated to a guide dog association because we were moving. I've had five cats at various times each. One was a stray and strayed off, one went for a ride and didn't come back, the others went back to the shelter either because we were moving or they needed a more suitable home.

All in all, I've never had a pet for longer than a year, if even that long.What a tragedy  I'll have to remember to try and keep some sense of continuity with my own pets in the future. Try living some place permanently and make sure we have a good match between family and pet.

Life Chosen

My husband and I, before we married, decided that after we were married we would have children. We chose life... of course we also chose responsibility. You know that wonderful thing people do that produces children... yeah, that. Sex is too sacred and special for having outside of marriage.

Anyway, our first son was wanted and welcomed. Our daughter was wanted and welcomed. Our second son was wanted and welcomed. These children are our treasures and we can not even think of what our life would be without them.

This is not the most eventful or sensational story, but lately there is too much in the way of ugly stories. It would be beneficial to let the world know there is beauty, responsibility, and happiness.

A family portrait. Where am I? Taking the picture, of course!

The Role Models I Want For My Son

I've been reading news articles that say liberals in California have been trying to strip the Boy Scouts of America of their tax exempt status for refusing to allow openly gay men as leaders. That's not news to me as they've been trying to do that for over a decade.

It got me thinking about what kind of role models and scout leaders I want for my sons. What kind of values do I want to transmit to them and who will fulfill that need?

The values I want them to reflect include:

Painting by Norman Rockwell

Temple marriage
Respect toward women and children
Abiding law
Patriotism
The sanctity of human life
Honoring parents
Worshiping God
Sexual purity
Fulfilling priesthood duties

That list is hardly comprehensive, but it's what comes to mind tonight.

What kind of man can I think of that would make a good role model or scout leader for my sons?
Ideally, he would be...

Straight and LDS
Married in the temple
Law abiding
Patriotic
Respectful of his own wife and children
Able to speak well of his own parents
Attending church weekly
100% faithful to his marriage (that's probably one I'll have to guess on)
Fulfilling callings in the church

I don't see it as bigotry to select role models that have the same values as myself, nor would I be comfortable letting my sons spend a substantial amount of time with someone of differing values.

Openly gay man as my sons' scout leader? Not if I can avoid it. There are higher aspirations in life.

I Feel Wealthy and Energized

I feel wealthy and energized when...

lifted from Savvy Cherise

my knives are sharp.

the roll of toilet paper was not only replaced without my asking, but facing the right direction (you know with the end facing outward).

I find my special hat where I left it.

the kids all sleep in.

my breakfast cereal is crunchy.

I remember my keys.

Aaron remembers groceries I forgot.

I get three things done in a day.

Basically, I feel wealthy and energized most of the most of the time when I allow myself.

Whose business is it?

For those of you conservatives who think marriage is no one's business, you are wrong. This is one of the deciding issues of our day. The 2nd Amendment might be overruled, but it can be brought back. Bad policies and bad laws can be defunded and thrown out, and the originators removed from office. We have laws and systems to reverse nearly every bad policy we know of, except same sex marriage.

Once the bridge of same sex marriage is crossed, there will be no going back and its proponents will push and push until the definition of marriage and family is so broad and inclusive that it means virtually nothing in the court of law.

Image by Donald Nicholson

Our government, as it stands, places high value on families and endorses marriage because of the ability of married partners to produce and rear future generations. Same sex couples cannot reproduce. They can only adopt or artificially inseminate. What's more, it's no secret that same homosexuals have higher than average rates of depression and suicide, and higher incidences of drug and alcohol abuse; not to mention the lack of both male and female role models that children need for healthy emotional development  What sane person can claim these environments as good for children?

Let's talk sex, disease, and money... some rather taboo talking points in the debate, but ones that need to be addressed. Marriage implies monogamy (sex with only one partner). I don't know about lesbians, but I do know that as a rule, gay men are not monogamous. That's why AIDS runs rampant in the gay community. If they are given marriage as a right and start asking for health insurance, that industry is going to be hesitant to give insurance at an affordable rate. So guess what, married gay unions are going to be charged a higher premium. You can imagine the whining that will bring, so what happens? To be fair, insurance on all married families will increase. Now more people will be either out of work (what employer wants to hire and insure an expensive married person), out of cash, or out of private insurance and on public welfare, therefore everyone will be paying more in taxes to support the health of married couples.

Who now thinks gay marriage is no one's business?

Not convinced? Here's some further reading:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1082190/posts

http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0013.html

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1995/11/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

I will not be able to stand before God at the last day if I do not defend the most important and fundamental unit of society. So far God has not condoned same sex marriage, in fact has condemned any sexual relationships outside of legal marriage between husband and wife. What else can I do, but make my position clear? I am on the LORD's side. What side are you on?

2008 and 2009

After Christmas, it was just too much to stay on my feet working, so I left work and stayed home, a decision I never regretted.

In His Light, by Greg Olsen*

In April, Colin was born. When I first heard his cry I had never heard anything more beautiful in my life. Maybe you remember that I had wondered last year whether the Lord knows happiness as great as his suffering. The answer then came to me: Yes. The Lord knows joy. He knows happiness to match His pain.

My experience in parenting is teaching me how to love in the same way that the Lord loves.

Overall, the first year as parents was blissfully uneventful. Colin was a healthy, sweet natured boy who made everyone he met fall in love with him.

There isn't a whole lot for me to say personally about the year as mostly it revolved around Colin. My world became very small.

My dad remarried, which I am sure was an adventure in and of itself, but that's his story. We also met some great family and friends. That's about it.

In 2009, Aaron and I were expecting again. We also decided to move to Logan, UT for Aaron to attend Utah State University. That was a rough summer and fall. Our friends were very generous and patient, but we just couldn't get settled in a place of our own, so we came back to Michigan at the end of the semester.

What was wonderful about the experience was that the difficulty made our little family stronger.

This is not my most entertaining blog entry; but as a rule, simple, normal things happen when you start a family. I like it that way.

You may have noticed, if you are following this blog, that I'm not focusing on the painful parts of life that much. I might make a minor gripe once in a while when it's funny; but for the most part the only times I've mentioned the dark parts are in reference to how my life is better for the experience.

I don't think people like to read whining and complaining. For my part, I hate the "Woah is me" stories that so many people tell online, or worse, over the pulpit at church. There's enough negative energy in this world without my adding to it. When life gives you lemons, have fish for dinner.

*About that picture and link. It is to Greg Olsen's online gallery and store. I can usually tell one of his paintings, and his art is all over the internet, but seldom credited to him properly, which is a dirty crying shame. Click the link and you'll be in his store and see more of his amazing paintings.

Sleep Deprivation Lab

Something about writing and operating a business is exciting to me. It makes me stay up late wondering what I'll write about or promote the next day. Naturally, I'm a little tired as a result.

Then life happens and Colin takes sick, so I'm up even later. I get him settled down and back to bed and go to bed myself hoping that's it, but sooner or later (I don't know which) Gideon needs nursing and changing, so I'm right back up, and after a half hour or so I'm back down.

Before I know it, it's five a.m. and Karyn wants a drink of water. She can get it herself and she knows it, but for some reason she thinks she needs to announce it while weeping outside my door. I take care of her and fall back in bed asleep.

Seven a.m. comes around, but I don't know that yet. I roll over to give my husband a rub, but instead of him, it's Karyn... and I'm too tired to wonder where Aaron is, send Karyn to her own bed, or even think about how she got there.

Around eight there's activity downstairs, so I get up and see what it is. It's Colin who growls at me because he's still not feeling well. Then Gideon wakes up hungry and starts to cry. After that Karyn, in bright spirits, comes down the stairs asking for breakfast. After I get Colin settled down and make sure it's only a common flu, I help Karyn pick her favorite cereal and talk with her for a few minutes. Then I change and nurse Gideon.

Now it's nine o'clock and of course Colin and Karyn want to watch a movie. Normally I would say no because it's too early in the day and I like the relative quiet; but what the hey. I'm too tired to argue, Gideon is asleep, and it's the new movie they want so I know they'll be relatively quiet for it. I get that put on and I think it's a good opportunity to take a nap... if only I hadn't locked the keys in the bedroom. Sometimes life feels like a cruel experience, but I know tomorrow will be a better day.

This image was lifted from Royalty Free Stock Photos

Kids Say the Worst Things Sometimes

My kids say a lot of awkward things. Movie lines, phrases they hear from friends and family members, but sometimes thing come out that confuse me and I don't know who said it or where it was heard.

Filthy language problem? Not in my home! (stock photo)

This morning, out of no where, and for no apparent reason, Colin told Karyn to get lost and that he wanted her to die. It was pretty clear he simply meant to be offensive, as little boys sometimes do, but I don't think he meant to be extremely offensive and threatening. He's only four after all. I didn't get mad, I just gave him the mild soap treatment (which if you want to know, it's kind of hard to get sick, injured, or traumatized with Johnson and Johnson's). Then I told him never to speak that way again, and sent him to his room.

I'm trying to decide where he could have learned to say such things. He may have learned "get lost" from me. I haven't used that phrase in a very long time, but I'll be the first to admit it; I have a loose tongue from time to time. I'm wondering, though, where had Colin learned to be so blunt about death?

I have a tough time imaging that that kind of language is allowed in Primary Sunday School, Colin is not in day care or pre-school, and most of his neighborhood friends stay inside during winter.

Upon inquiry, Colin thinks he learned to wish death on others while watching a movie. He said it was the "Moses" movie, which means "The Ten Commandments". However I haven't put that movie on in over a month, and I don't recall anyone being quite that direct over the theme of death. The three movies Colin has seen most recently is "The Muppets", "Monsters Inc.", and "Wreck-it Ralph". It wouldn't surprise me if "Get lost" is scripted in at least one, and there is a certain amount of peril depicted in each, but where has anyone made such a clear verbal threat toward any other characters. I'll have to pay a little more attention and see if I can find out and know if any of them need eliminating from the kids movie collection.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

A Righteous King : The Book of Mormon

In my personal study of the scriptures I've been re-reading the Book of Mormon. I've gotten to the Book of Mosiah and I've noticed some unusual things about the Kings Benjamin and his son and heir, King Mosiah. They earned their own living (farming), they did not tax their people, they lead their people in battle, were prophets and spiritual leaders, and willingly gave up the crown before they died (as did a number of other righteous kings if memory serves me.

I've decided to compile a list of what a defines a righteous king and how that applies to family life (perhaps I'll come back to this blog with updates as more ideas come:

A righteous king...

King Benjamin teaching his people * 

- does not burden his people with taxes, but earns his own living
- receives revelation for his people and leads them spiritually as well as temporally
- (unless death takes him suddenly) does not take the crown to the grave, but confers the kingdom on a willing and righteous heir well in advance of death
- in the event that no righteous heir can or will take the throne, he returns sovereignty to his people
- teaches his children and people obedience to the LORD and humility
- leads his people in the defense of his nation

In the family the husband is king and therefore a righteous husband...

- earns an honest living
- has the right and responsibility to receive revelation for his family and is to take the lead spiritually and temporally
- while alive, if possible, will confer his legacy and an inheritance on his children, but only if they are worthy and actually want it (it should be taken into consideration that several kings in the Book of Mormon had either righteous sons that declined to take the throne, or evil sons who should never have inherited a kingdom)
- if there are no worthy or willing heirs, gives the legacy to a worthy cause
- teaches his children obedience to the LORD and humility
- is to be the first and most determined line of defense for his family

What does this mean to me? I am the wife of a righteous husband, who fully agrees with what I've discovered. It is my responsibility to be the first support in his calling as the head of our family; however, scripture seems to be less specific about the lives of womankind. For the most part I will need to come up with my own definitions of what it means to be a righteous wife.

Conclusions for myself: A righteous wife of a righteous husband will...
.
- try not to grouch at him when he gets home from work, but ask about his day and be interested in what he has to say
- believe him when he makes a decision about the family's best interest (if in disagreement, be diplomatic about it), and support family home evenings, scripture study, and prayer
- be wise with the family budget and encourage education and righteous behavior in our children
- be associated with worthy causes
- show the children by example what it means to obey the LORD and to be humble
- be wise, fearless, and prepared against emergencies

* image lifted from http://www.rebeccahjamison.com/2011/12/book-of-mormon-12-day-christmas-reading.html Where she got it, I don't know.

My Husband, Aaron

My Husband, Aaron

A more loyal and worthy man, no woman could ask for. When I made the decision to marry him I knew my heart would be safe with him.

He works hard during the day, comes home every night, and supports me as a stay-at-home mom.

He loves his children and helps me raise and teach them. I don’t feel alone as a parent in our household.

Aaron strives to be a model follower of Christ. He takes his family to church, pays his tithes and offerings, reads to us from the scriptures, and happily magnifies his callings.

Aaron loves me and lends a helping hand when I ask, even if it’s with the dishes.

He kisses me good bye every morning and greets me with a kiss every afternoon.

My husband is kind and loves to bring me flowers and chocolates.

He listens when I speak, even if I’m ranting about nothing, and doesn’t get visibly angry when we disagree.

He is honest.

Aaron can fix a car and change a flat tire, and is handy around the house.

He does the laundry for me without being asked.

My husband says to me every day, “I love you”, and tells me I’m beautiful.

Things I Want NOW

Things I Want Now:

·                     the kids to take a long nap

·                     $250,000 in savings and an income that maintains it

·                     to be emotionally stable

·                     a clean kitchen

·                     curtains over the front door and window

Things I Have Now:

·                     kids that sleep at night

·                     a small business and a husband with a job

·                     a supply of chamomile tea

·                     a dishwasher, a broom, and a mop and bucket

·                     a south facing front door and window that let in lots of light

I want things to be better, but at least I have it good.

Organized Chaos: My Parenting Experience with Toys

It happens about four or five times a year. The kids inexplicably and absolutely lose control and start screaming and hammer fisting each other in the head. They won’t help clean house either no matter how extravagant the reward or terrible the punishment. Yep, it’s time to do a toy purge again.

In the last six years of working with preschoolers, toddlers, and my own little children, I have found that young children appreciate variety in toys, but almost always are overwhelmed by too much abundance. The result is chaos.

One of the most ironic things I’ve ever born witness too was in a nursery room with the floor littered with a myriad of toys and the shelves still well stocked, three boys fighting over one dinosaur. There was a pile of dinosaurs right under their noses, but they were too overwhelmed to notice. That was the week of the first and largest toy purge I’ve ever committed.

Without even consulting to see whose permission I would need, I threw out everything low quality or ugly; re-homed all licensed characters, and over accessorized, or battery dependent toys; washed and donated everything food related (six to eight children sucking on the same plastic strawberry every week… yuck!), and the dinosaur no one could share went to “visit his cousins” indefinitely. I kept dolls and building blocks, books and musical instruments, plenty of cars, dinosaurs, figurines, puzzles, and few other things.

The following week you would never have known these were the same children by their attitudes. It was sunshine and rainbows, cooperation and sharing, and rarely a lost temper whilst waiting turns. As a bonus, everyone was much more helpful at clean up time.

Colin and Karyn are much the same way and need to lose or rotate toys from time to time. Last night as I was going through their toys and reflecting on what we do and do not have, I was surprised at how few toys I disposed of this time around. They have enough to fill a mid-sized closet, but they are productive toys the kids keep coming back to. Most of them are classic toys like dolls, cars, balls, and various kinds of building blocks. Of electronic toys, there are very few and what we have are mostly new things that are basically grandparents’ revenge toys (they usually last about three to five months before needing disposal or re-homing). There are not many licensed characters, although one has managed to flourish and that’s Anakin Skywalker. We have three of him and he’s well loved and cared for.

There are no toy guns, in spite of Colin’s persistent requests for such. Reason being is safety. I don’t want the kids forming bad habits before handling real firearms, and I definitely don’t want them making the mistake in attitude that guns are toys. I heard a story once about a police officer who nearly shot a boy because the child aimed what appeared to be a berretta at him. What gave the officer pause was seeing a white plug in the business end of the gun. It was a black painted water pistol which he immediately confiscated. Thankfully both parties survived, but I’m left with an indelible impression that toy guns can be very dangerous. I don’t mind transparent water pistols in the summer, but we have rules about them in our family.

I think the only thing we don’t have that I feel a little bit guilty about, is that we have no wood puzzles. Colin and Karyn both enjoy puzzles, but I keep forgetting to look for them. I also don’t have any “dress-up” type clothes for Karyn, who likes to wear my clothes and musses the clean laundry while looking for the perfect outfit.

I don’t spend much time feeling guilty or inadequate when it comes to toys. The kids have plenty to play with and more than they need. This morning, after a late night evaluating toys, I woke up to a relative peace, a fairly clean living room, and two happy children who thought it was Christmas all over again (no hammer fisting required).