How Cookies Are Not Made

As I am writing this, my children are grounded upstairs. First thing in the morning, I do not coming down to the living room only to find what looks like the remains of a viking village raid...

Okay, that's overstating it, but it's really disturbing to come downstairs in the morning and see that it looks like an animal with rainbow blood (of liquid food coloring) was slaughtered on the "cocoa" table. It's rather aggravating to find that a minor explosion involving flour and sugar has occurred in the same area as the rainbow slaughter. Then I find six or seven discarded glasses with a viscous mixture of flour, sugar, food coloring, vanilla and mint extracts, and olive oil.

Upon inquiry, my two children justify the mess as an attempt to make cookies. Somehow I doubt that, as they've never seen me make cookies with ham slices and breakfast cereal.

No, children. This is not how cookies are made. Lifted from www.hurstwic.org

Cold Hearted, Mean Mommy

I've never met anyone who openly questions me when I don't drop everything and run whenever I think one of my kids has the slightest booboo. However, I have gotten a few questioning looks and one or two "evil eyes" when my children fall down and hurt themselves to the point of crying and I don't immediately pick them up. Maybe I should explain why I do that.

There are two reasons why I am slow to answer the cry of pain:

First is that I took a babysitter's certification course when I was eleven. They drilled into  my head the importance of observation. You don't rush in when you see someone hurt, or in some kind of physical peril. You see what may have caused the trouble first (electrical wires, sharp objects,...). Determine, if possible, what the problem is, if it will endanger you, and whether intervention is actually necessary or wise. Observe, observe, observe. Pausing ten seconds to take in the situation and make an appropriate judgement can prevent many evils.

Second, is that I have a life. Mommy is not always going to be there with a Band-aid and a bottle of Pedialyte to "make it all better". The kids better cowboy up.

I've seen some kids melt down into a puddle of neurotic goo because they tripped and fell in the sand, and then the mommy goes into EMT/physiatrist mode. I feel bad when my kids get hurt too, but seriously, most kids are not made of fine hand blown crystal. What's more, going overboard like that contributes to other problems, like making them think the injury is worse than it is, or that deliberately hurting themselves will get attention.

One night when Colin was about 6 months old, Aaron and I put him to bed and walked out of the room. He of course cried for a few minutes then was quiet. Suddenly we heard a "thunk" and "WAAAAHHH!!!". Thinking he was seriously hurt, I ran in there fearing the worst. He was fine. He just tried to sit up, I guess, and lost his balance and hit the bars of the crib. No big deal. The slightly pink welt faded away before he even finished crying. I put him back down, and left again. Five minutes later, "thunk", and "WAAAAHHH!!!". I thought to myself, there is no way I'm playing this game, and I stayed right where I was. He cried for a few minutes, but Colin never hit his head on the bars of his crib again.

What I actually do when my kids are hurt and crying: I make myself available, but keep my distance. If they need a hug, or a band-aid, they can come to me for it, not the other way around.

So far, the results of slow response have been positive. Colin and Karyn are confident, coordinated, and relatively independent (sometimes too much so). They take calculated risks, pick themselves up when they fall, only come for comfort when it bleeds or really hurts, and recover quickly.

I may be a cold hearted, mean mommy; but Colin and Karyn seem to be doing alright.

Life Chosen

My husband and I, before we married, decided that after we were married we would have children. We chose life... of course we also chose responsibility. You know that wonderful thing people do that produces children... yeah, that. Sex is too sacred and special for having outside of marriage.

Anyway, our first son was wanted and welcomed. Our daughter was wanted and welcomed. Our second son was wanted and welcomed. These children are our treasures and we can not even think of what our life would be without them.

This is not the most eventful or sensational story, but lately there is too much in the way of ugly stories. It would be beneficial to let the world know there is beauty, responsibility, and happiness.

A family portrait. Where am I? Taking the picture, of course!

I Am Homeschooling My Children

That's it! I've made up my mind, homeschool is in my children's best interest.

It's healthier:
I choose the meals, they can get as much sleep as they need, their exposure to pathogens is not as extensive, AND THEY CAN RUN OUTSIDE AND PLAY WHENEVER THEY NEED IT!!!!!

image lifted from a blog on wordpress

It's Academically Better:
As their instructor (and mom) I can ascertain their individual strengths and weaknesses and tailor the lesson plans to fit. They will not be held back by a one-size-fits-all approach. If they are strong and interested in math, I can give them more math and broaden their horizons by introducing related subjects. If one of them needs extra practice on grammar, we can slow down the pace on that subject.

It's Better For Social Skills:
It's seems counter intuitive that homeschoolers would have better social skills, but the freedom from desks and schedules give us a greater opportunity to meet other people and hold real conversations. My children will be required to use good manners, become skilled in speaking with adults and other age groups, learn to listen when others speak, and disagree respectfully when hearing an opposing viewpoint.

Supirior Academic Skills:
I do not actually have all day to stand and lecture, so they will need to become skilled researchers and students. After the basics in Reading, Writing, and Math, they will be primarily responsible to use the textbooks and do the learning for themselves. I'm there to check the work, offer guidance, and make sure their education is balanced; but ultimately success is their own doing (hmm, just like it was when their grandparents were in school).

Classics! Classics! Classics!
It is impossible to live with me and not be familiar with the King James Bible. They will be reading classic literature: Shakespeare, Dickens, Poe, Doyle, Hemingway, etc (I got stuck in an American Literature class for losers once in high school, and we never read anything above sixth grade level. I thought my brain would die and rot. There will be no such punishment for my children).

History. Real American History:
We will cover both the bad and (most especially) the good of the American experience, not just the "History of the Evil White Man".

Real Science:
I called a teacher out once for this is high school (he was cool about it and even gave me extra credit). Teaching and test questions that confuse the difference between theories and facts drove me crazy then, and it bothers me to this day. I have no problem with teaching a child about the Theory of Evolution, theory of the Alaskan Land Bridge, or the theory of manmade climate change (ha ha). As long as my children understand that these are theories and not established facts, and that there are other scientific explanations for life on Earth, how indigenous people and species arrived on the American continent, and what causes major climate changes and weather patterns.

Religion:
I full well intend to indoctrinate my children. It is my right and responsibility to transmit the values I love and live by to my children. No school can teach them faith, love, or honor; much less the Ten Commandments.

May my children become their best selves. May they grow to contribute to society in a positive way. May they love freedom and responsibility. May I stand before God at the last day, confident that I executed my duty to my children.

Whose business is it?

For those of you conservatives who think marriage is no one's business, you are wrong. This is one of the deciding issues of our day. The 2nd Amendment might be overruled, but it can be brought back. Bad policies and bad laws can be defunded and thrown out, and the originators removed from office. We have laws and systems to reverse nearly every bad policy we know of, except same sex marriage.

Once the bridge of same sex marriage is crossed, there will be no going back and its proponents will push and push until the definition of marriage and family is so broad and inclusive that it means virtually nothing in the court of law.

Image by Donald Nicholson

Our government, as it stands, places high value on families and endorses marriage because of the ability of married partners to produce and rear future generations. Same sex couples cannot reproduce. They can only adopt or artificially inseminate. What's more, it's no secret that same homosexuals have higher than average rates of depression and suicide, and higher incidences of drug and alcohol abuse; not to mention the lack of both male and female role models that children need for healthy emotional development  What sane person can claim these environments as good for children?

Let's talk sex, disease, and money... some rather taboo talking points in the debate, but ones that need to be addressed. Marriage implies monogamy (sex with only one partner). I don't know about lesbians, but I do know that as a rule, gay men are not monogamous. That's why AIDS runs rampant in the gay community. If they are given marriage as a right and start asking for health insurance, that industry is going to be hesitant to give insurance at an affordable rate. So guess what, married gay unions are going to be charged a higher premium. You can imagine the whining that will bring, so what happens? To be fair, insurance on all married families will increase. Now more people will be either out of work (what employer wants to hire and insure an expensive married person), out of cash, or out of private insurance and on public welfare, therefore everyone will be paying more in taxes to support the health of married couples.

Who now thinks gay marriage is no one's business?

Not convinced? Here's some further reading:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1082190/posts

http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0013.html

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1995/11/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

I will not be able to stand before God at the last day if I do not defend the most important and fundamental unit of society. So far God has not condoned same sex marriage, in fact has condemned any sexual relationships outside of legal marriage between husband and wife. What else can I do, but make my position clear? I am on the LORD's side. What side are you on?

Gender Role

I'm seeing this sign that is driving me crazy. This red equal sign and what it apparently stands for. Something about same sex partners wanting to be legally married, as if marriage is about romance or legitimized debauchery. What is missed by this small minority of society (and much of the majority too for that matter) is that men and women are fundamentally different and complementary  One cannot exist without the other.

I teach my daughter that she is unique and special and important. That she is a girl is a large part of what makes her unique, special, and important. I tell her she is beautiful, smart, and loved. I dress her as a girl and give her dolls and tea sets to play with. Her sweet, feminine nature is welcome and encouraged in our home. One day she will become a woman and hopefully meet a special man and have the choice to become a wife and a mother.

This image lifted from: http://predictingbabygender.info/less-conventional-tests-for-guessing-baby-gender/

I teach my sons that they are unique, and special, and important. That they
are boys is a large part of what makes them unique, special, and important. I tell them that they are handsome, strong, and loved. I give them cars and tool sets to play with. Their strong willed, masculine natures are valued and sustained in our family. One day they will become men and hopefully they will each meet a special woman and have the choice to become husbands and fathers.

How can I not tell my children these things? It would be an act of hate on my part to deny them this basic knowledge.

Sleep Deprivation Lab

Something about writing and operating a business is exciting to me. It makes me stay up late wondering what I'll write about or promote the next day. Naturally, I'm a little tired as a result.

Then life happens and Colin takes sick, so I'm up even later. I get him settled down and back to bed and go to bed myself hoping that's it, but sooner or later (I don't know which) Gideon needs nursing and changing, so I'm right back up, and after a half hour or so I'm back down.

Before I know it, it's five a.m. and Karyn wants a drink of water. She can get it herself and she knows it, but for some reason she thinks she needs to announce it while weeping outside my door. I take care of her and fall back in bed asleep.

Seven a.m. comes around, but I don't know that yet. I roll over to give my husband a rub, but instead of him, it's Karyn... and I'm too tired to wonder where Aaron is, send Karyn to her own bed, or even think about how she got there.

Around eight there's activity downstairs, so I get up and see what it is. It's Colin who growls at me because he's still not feeling well. Then Gideon wakes up hungry and starts to cry. After that Karyn, in bright spirits, comes down the stairs asking for breakfast. After I get Colin settled down and make sure it's only a common flu, I help Karyn pick her favorite cereal and talk with her for a few minutes. Then I change and nurse Gideon.

Now it's nine o'clock and of course Colin and Karyn want to watch a movie. Normally I would say no because it's too early in the day and I like the relative quiet; but what the hey. I'm too tired to argue, Gideon is asleep, and it's the new movie they want so I know they'll be relatively quiet for it. I get that put on and I think it's a good opportunity to take a nap... if only I hadn't locked the keys in the bedroom. Sometimes life feels like a cruel experience, but I know tomorrow will be a better day.

This image was lifted from Royalty Free Stock Photos

Kids Say the Worst Things Sometimes

My kids say a lot of awkward things. Movie lines, phrases they hear from friends and family members, but sometimes thing come out that confuse me and I don't know who said it or where it was heard.

Filthy language problem? Not in my home! (stock photo)

This morning, out of no where, and for no apparent reason, Colin told Karyn to get lost and that he wanted her to die. It was pretty clear he simply meant to be offensive, as little boys sometimes do, but I don't think he meant to be extremely offensive and threatening. He's only four after all. I didn't get mad, I just gave him the mild soap treatment (which if you want to know, it's kind of hard to get sick, injured, or traumatized with Johnson and Johnson's). Then I told him never to speak that way again, and sent him to his room.

I'm trying to decide where he could have learned to say such things. He may have learned "get lost" from me. I haven't used that phrase in a very long time, but I'll be the first to admit it; I have a loose tongue from time to time. I'm wondering, though, where had Colin learned to be so blunt about death?

I have a tough time imaging that that kind of language is allowed in Primary Sunday School, Colin is not in day care or pre-school, and most of his neighborhood friends stay inside during winter.

Upon inquiry, Colin thinks he learned to wish death on others while watching a movie. He said it was the "Moses" movie, which means "The Ten Commandments". However I haven't put that movie on in over a month, and I don't recall anyone being quite that direct over the theme of death. The three movies Colin has seen most recently is "The Muppets", "Monsters Inc.", and "Wreck-it Ralph". It wouldn't surprise me if "Get lost" is scripted in at least one, and there is a certain amount of peril depicted in each, but where has anyone made such a clear verbal threat toward any other characters. I'll have to pay a little more attention and see if I can find out and know if any of them need eliminating from the kids movie collection.

Anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

Kourageous Karyn

Karyn is three years old and afraid of virtually nothing but deep water and thin ice. I guess both are understandable.

Karyn gained her fear of water, I think, last summer while wading in Lake Huron. I stepped away for a moment to address some issue Colin was having when a sudden wave overtook Karyn and knocked her over. I turned around in time to see her go under and rushed over and pulled her out. She was spluttering and crying, but unharmed. She hasn't been the same about water since.

Thin ice was discovery of yesterday. We took a walk across the field next to out house. A pattern of repeated, freezing and raining, and freezing again has made the field turn into a shallow lake with a thin sheet of ice. The water is all of six inches at the deepest point, so there's no danger of drowning in any place we could break through, but Karyn was so unnerved by the sound of ice cracking with the sight of water bubbling to the surface that she broke into tears. She asked to be carried and I told her no, it would be very bad if I slipped and fell while carrying her. Her response made me proud. She still cried bitterly in fear, but instead of freezing on the spot and refusing to move (like I would expect from a three year old girl), she held my hand and walked next to me across the length of that field.

Courage to keep moving even when she is scared is a trait I highly value in my daughter and I know she will go far in life for it.

Ponies and Horses: Equine Ambtions

Karyn does a lot of things to remind us she is two years old, but her command of the English language makes my head spin sometimes.

A normal little girl with a collection of toy ponies, if she should find them missing will shout at the suspected sibling, ”Give me back my ponies!”

A smart little girl will shout, “Did you take my ponies!”

However, today two year old Karyn confronted Colin with, “Did you destroy my ponies! DID YOU DESTROY MY PONIES!!!”

Her ponies are fine. They just got left in her “clubhouse” in the kitchen.

One of my goals as parent is to teach my children to calmly debate an issue if they disagree with me and use persuasion to try and change my mind. I seldom change my mind once a decision is made, but Colin may have won a point in his favor today.

Lately he has been asking me for a horse. I always say, “No”, but he persists. I was starting to lose patience with the badgering for a horse and said, “When I have more money than sense, I’ll get you a horse”. Colin thinks quietly for a moment then enthusiastically says, “We need lots of money”.

Now who can argue with that?

Organized Chaos: My Parenting Experience with Toys

It happens about four or five times a year. The kids inexplicably and absolutely lose control and start screaming and hammer fisting each other in the head. They won’t help clean house either no matter how extravagant the reward or terrible the punishment. Yep, it’s time to do a toy purge again.

In the last six years of working with preschoolers, toddlers, and my own little children, I have found that young children appreciate variety in toys, but almost always are overwhelmed by too much abundance. The result is chaos.

One of the most ironic things I’ve ever born witness too was in a nursery room with the floor littered with a myriad of toys and the shelves still well stocked, three boys fighting over one dinosaur. There was a pile of dinosaurs right under their noses, but they were too overwhelmed to notice. That was the week of the first and largest toy purge I’ve ever committed.

Without even consulting to see whose permission I would need, I threw out everything low quality or ugly; re-homed all licensed characters, and over accessorized, or battery dependent toys; washed and donated everything food related (six to eight children sucking on the same plastic strawberry every week… yuck!), and the dinosaur no one could share went to “visit his cousins” indefinitely. I kept dolls and building blocks, books and musical instruments, plenty of cars, dinosaurs, figurines, puzzles, and few other things.

The following week you would never have known these were the same children by their attitudes. It was sunshine and rainbows, cooperation and sharing, and rarely a lost temper whilst waiting turns. As a bonus, everyone was much more helpful at clean up time.

Colin and Karyn are much the same way and need to lose or rotate toys from time to time. Last night as I was going through their toys and reflecting on what we do and do not have, I was surprised at how few toys I disposed of this time around. They have enough to fill a mid-sized closet, but they are productive toys the kids keep coming back to. Most of them are classic toys like dolls, cars, balls, and various kinds of building blocks. Of electronic toys, there are very few and what we have are mostly new things that are basically grandparents’ revenge toys (they usually last about three to five months before needing disposal or re-homing). There are not many licensed characters, although one has managed to flourish and that’s Anakin Skywalker. We have three of him and he’s well loved and cared for.

There are no toy guns, in spite of Colin’s persistent requests for such. Reason being is safety. I don’t want the kids forming bad habits before handling real firearms, and I definitely don’t want them making the mistake in attitude that guns are toys. I heard a story once about a police officer who nearly shot a boy because the child aimed what appeared to be a berretta at him. What gave the officer pause was seeing a white plug in the business end of the gun. It was a black painted water pistol which he immediately confiscated. Thankfully both parties survived, but I’m left with an indelible impression that toy guns can be very dangerous. I don’t mind transparent water pistols in the summer, but we have rules about them in our family.

I think the only thing we don’t have that I feel a little bit guilty about, is that we have no wood puzzles. Colin and Karyn both enjoy puzzles, but I keep forgetting to look for them. I also don’t have any “dress-up” type clothes for Karyn, who likes to wear my clothes and musses the clean laundry while looking for the perfect outfit.

I don’t spend much time feeling guilty or inadequate when it comes to toys. The kids have plenty to play with and more than they need. This morning, after a late night evaluating toys, I woke up to a relative peace, a fairly clean living room, and two happy children who thought it was Christmas all over again (no hammer fisting required).